The Note #3 – A Case for Sarah Bradley – Fiction

9.05

“Dammit,” Sarah got out the car outside the college gates. The thought that she may have been quicker walking niggled away at her, she tried to push it to one side, as her eyes shot back and forth across the car park. Danny was nowhere to be seen. Where is he?

Slamming the door shut, Sarah began walking around the benches and picnic areas. Student’s eyes seemed to follow her every step which wasn’t helping the feeling she was being followed. Giving up her search amongst the students, Sarah hurdled the steps into the college’s grand entrance and made her way towards the reception desks.

Waiting patiently Sarah couldn’t help glancing around. This place was impressive, much better than the evening college she had attended. It made her feel sentimental, without their parents around she wanted to give Danny all the chances of a good life that she could. Eventually, the older receptionist waved her over.

“Can I help you, Dearie?”

“Yeah, I’m here for my little brother Danny. Sorry, Daniel Bradley. I need to see him.” Sarah paused and under the watchful gaze of the receptionist realised it didn’t sound right. “We’ve got a family emergency.”

“Okay, Dear. Let me have a look where he’s at.” The old woman began typing away at the pc, but the more she clicked, the more her greying eyebrows began to furrow. Sarah began to feel nervous as the receptionist glanced towards her. The receptionist stepped away and mumbled something to the woman next to her. The woman leant over, checked the screen and nodded sharply once.

“I’m sorry. It appears Daniel is no longer with the college. He withdrew from the course over a month ago.”

“A month ago…” Sarah’s mouth hung open, the little gasp of air escaping seemed to be the only function her body could do while her brain processed this. A month ago? Why would he lie? Where was he now?

“Okay, thanks.” Sarah managed to get the words out. Although the effort seemed to take all her body had to offer. She sucked in a deep breath and headed back to the car. Once inside she hit her steering well with her fists several times “Dammit Danny.” She shrieked to herself, then laying her head on her hands she let out the hollow sob that shook her whole body. She had no idea where deep inside her the noise came from but knew she had to release it.

When the noise turned into tiny snuffling sounds, Sarah sat up and searching in her handbag produced some tissues. Pulling the visor down she cleared the residual makeup from her eyes and blew her red nose. God did she look a mess. Rummaging back in the bag, she pulled the few make-up pieces she had with her out, concealer and mascara, it wasn’t much but it would do. Leaning closer to the visor she sorted her mascara first then just as she was dabbing the concealer under her eyes, a reflection in the mirror caught her attention. It was Danny’s bag, she was sure of it. Turning around she was just in time to see the bag and Danny’s dark hair disappear into a grey car. Sarah threw open the door and jumped up shouting Danny at the top of her voice, but the head didn’t turn and the car pulled away from the kerb.

Getting back into the car Sarah slammed the door and putting in the key she stomped her foot on the pedal, her mind focussed on one thing, she had to get to Danny now.



This is a continued short story from:

The Note #1 – A Case for Sarah Bradley – Fiction.

The Note #2 – A Case for Sarah Bradley – Fiction

I have never written in the detective/mystery genre before so just having a bit of a dabble. I hope people enjoy. Any feedback greatly appreciated. KL

To Continue Reading Sarah’s StoryCLICK HERE


A lie is told – This was written in response to Friday Fiction prompt brought to you by  ronovanwrites

Ronovan has a great post on GL & PSS to help improve your writing and aim it towards the right groups (all of which can be achieved in word – who knew!). Hopefully I have set that up correctly, if so, my stats for this week are:
Word Count: 601 Words
GL: 5.3
Passive Sentences: 2%

 

 

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11 thoughts on “The Note #3 – A Case for Sarah Bradley – Fiction

  1. I like it. At first I thought there might be an issue with pace of the characters actions with the hurdling the steps and the being patient, but reading again, I think it works. 🙂

    • Thank you very much, Ronovan :). Yes I see what you mean I dip in and out of the pace with the descriptive terms, something I will need to keep an eye on/review on a rewrite. You are always so helpful, thank you for your advice. Greatly appreciated. KL ❤

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