“I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.”Edgar Allan Poe
Self-confidence is that ever evasive commodity that most of us desire. Difficult to capture and when one is lucky to do so, even more difficult to maintain. I took a dip in my self-confidence during pregnancy, I was unwell almost the entire time with a condition little understood. All Mums-to-be will experience Mum-guilt, but for those fighting through an HG pregnancy the guilt may be more specifically related to whether the baby is getting enough nutrients when being so sick or eating the ‘wrong foods’. Or whether you will connect with the baby after enduring months of feeling so unwell. I felt all this and more. In the darkest moments being certain, my pregnancy would end with one of us not surviving. During this time, the person I regarded as my best friend told me she was desperately jealous of my pregnancy. She could not see or understand my fears or suffering. She chose not to be there for me, to walk away from our over 10 years of friendship. My confidence, already in spiralling decline, fell further.
When one door closes, another one opens. I shared my hospital room with the most charming lady. She soon became a friend. I pushed myself way out of my comfort zone and attended (alone) many mother and baby groups, finding, more friends. I had always been a bubbly, chatty person and slowly I was finding my way back to that.
I read a few self-help books. Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffries and The Tools by Phil Stutz and Barry Michaels (reviews can be found on my blog under I LOVE BOOKS). I kept going. Each day, I would keep going. I set myself challenges, little easy things such as cook a new recipe at least once a month. With each one I conquered, I have felt more in control, more me. My next hurdle, get back into writing. My passion. It has never left me but has definitely taking a back seat, yet it is one of the places I feel equally most fearful and most free.
My faith is this. Keep going. There’s a Scottish (at least I think it’s Scottish) saying “What’s for you will not go by you” and meaning what is meant for you will not pass you by. I think that’s true. Keep going, you’ll get wherever you are meant to be, even if it’s not the path you expected.
Originally written in response to Writer’s Quote Wednesday Writing Challenge (WQWWC – Faith). I used to take part in this wonderful prompt many years ago when it was run by Colleen and Ronovan, so I was pretty pleased to have recently come across it again now hosted by Marsha Ingrao at Always Right.
I looked at this prompt with the intention of writing fiction (after all, that’s my thing), but instead it’s turned into more of a memoir, but that’s sometimes the best thing about writing. It grasps you and you just run with it.
P.S. For those looking for a quick way of making prompts into images – check out: